"Refraction"
By: Keithayonna Davis
To understand the world
You must understand yourself.
The lies you tell.
The blame you put on others.
The covers above your head
At night
While anger
Rests in your chest like fire.
There
In the mirror
Truth.
You fear,
If it shattered,
You'd pick the sharpest piece
And cut your wrists till you disappeared.
Feelings of abandonment
Linger in your doorway.
Yet remains empty.
"Who would care" ?
No one.
This fact holds a place
In your mind.
Concrete
As the measurement of time.
So
Instead,
You cut across your face.
Down the cheeks
Where your tears reside.
Across the mouth
Where your lip quivers so.
Across the eyes
Where terrible things
Flash before you
Like a film
You'd rather watch
Between your fingers.
There you are.
Blood trickling down.
Heart racing.
Hands aflame.
A coward.
In it's own right.
Picasso !
Da Vinci?
No,
Basquiat.
Yes,
That's it.
A tortured artist.
The world
Your own personal exhibit
Featuring you.
Just you.
Ugly out
As you are in.
They give you looks
But you can't see.
They mock you
But you've built rivers for your tears.
You smile,
Because that's all you can do.
Hiding from a world
You created.
But have yet to understand.
"The Way It Was"
By: Keithayonna Davis
All these buildings look the same
Brick on brick on brick
Pink
Blue
Yellow
Pink
Blue..
Gold?
Generations born here.
Mama said she stayed up the street as a kid.
And there.
And over there.
That's Gorman Ave right there,
Right across the way from the pink store.
You see it ?
No you don't.
It ain't been pink since the 90s.
Snot nose
Ragged clothes
I think everybody done peed in this dam sandbox.
Mama said it give you ringworms.
Scarred?
Yes indeed.
"Don't leave your bike in the front yard"
"Ok mama".
Dam, they got me .
Knock Knock !
It's Marvella.
Marvella?
Yes.
"Where my baby bike at"?
Right there.
Where.
Right there mama.
"Don't leave shit else outside".
"Ok mama".
We not supposed to be outside
Nobody is.
But we out here.
Let's go to the gym?
We don't work out.
We don't play ball.
But you gotta be somebody to be up in here though.
And that's all that matters.
How many shots was that ?
5?
"Where my kids?"
We bout to get our asses whooped.
This side
This side
That side.
It don't matter.
We all one.
But know your side.
The pill ?
Yes.
The pill.
Right on the edge
Before you get to the living room.
That's the old head section.
But I'm right here
Cause my mama right here.
And they love my mama.
"Can I get a dollar"
"Take $5"
I'm their girl.
Crack?
Yes crack.
This ain't the 80's
No,
It's 115th St.
Oh.
Move along.
We all got our demons
Ain't no judgement.
Less you owe some money.
That's yo ass .
I seen whoopty whoop get knocked out his socks over $5.
$5?
Yes.
What exactly are you confused about?
Porch?
I don't know about porches.
We just walk out our front door
And into the mix like it aint nothin.
Making memories that last until we die
Literally.
More obituaries than family photos at this point.
I'm cold.
"Who died?"
"That's crazy"
I mourn.
I mourn.
I cry.
I cry.
That was my friend.
"Who died"?
Dam!
I mourn.
I'm 14
On my way home
I put the tips on Karla so cold
Her sister jumped in.
My aunt was more pissed than I was.
Then again,
She from the streets forreal
I'm just passing through.
My first love ?
Love?
My nigga.
He died.
Died?
Yes.
Why'd you ask that?
I still hold the Valentine's day gift in my arms
Like he gave it to me yesterday.
No love letters.
No photos
Just this.
And I cry.
And I mourn.
I'm in this building full of mirrors.
Everyone can see everyone.
Yet,
Everyone moves as though they're invisible
I've been here long enough.
So much drama.
For no reason at all.
They're just bored and old with nothing better to do
It's time for me to go
EDD giving $800 a week.
They can kiss my ass.
It's been months since I been back.
I hate it.
But there's a roof.
So much pain here.
"Was it always like this?"
I smoke until my pride disappears.
And I make a plan to get out of there.
By any means.
This room.
That room.
$100
$200
Instacart.
Postmates.
My whole life in a bag I carry like a burden.
But I'm not on no floor.
I'm 28 now.
It's quiet here.
All I can hear are my own thoughts.
Shuffling through 3 decades of memories.
And I realize,
I never really got to be a kid.
"Memoir"
By: Keithayonna Davis
I won't shed a tear.
When the memories flood in.
Making sense of everything.
When what said
Corresponds with what was done.
When my mind replays it.
Again.
Again.
Taking me back through those times.
Why would I ?
When wisdom and knowledge
Become crossroads.
I know.
That energy can sculpt itself into imagery
Returning.
Reminding.
Revealing.
Taking it's rightful place
Within me.
I'm wise enough.
To view myself as the sender
The giver.
In every circumstance
I apologize to myself.
Not a victim,
But an observer
Of the lessons that have come so far to teach me.
I let the memories flood in.
And I don't mind.
Because everything makes sense.
"Afterlife"
By: Keithayonna Davis
I'm blind here.
Yet eye see.
There's a rhythm
Pulsating
Vibrating
Lifting me higher.
Up
Up.
If I think high
I go high.
If I think low
I go low.
I choose.
Every choice takes me past dimensions.
They say this is where we go.
Elite.
I fear I won't come back.
So I drop.
Ground.
Feel again.
My hands,
Feet,
My
Eyes open.
I know what it's like outside of here.
All this.
Only life can keep me from it.
It clicks.
Dawns on me
I can't live forever.
I choose.
Enjoy life.
"Muddy Waters"
By: Keithayonna Davis
I opened an old book.
Let the pages glide through my fingers.
The pain, frustration and grief
Crept in like an old friend.
Sorrow.
Dates, time, places.
Pieces to a puzzle
I really don't want to put together..
I wish
I could go back
Recreate memories that now taste of bitter fruit.
Pour like hard rain on a day I prayed for sun..
The girl in these pages.
A stranger now.
Body,
Movements,
Emotions.
A star in this movie she calls life.
I washed them for her.
These pages.
Scrubbed them in a river that floats old bones
Till my hands burned.
Till the pages turned soggy.
Till faces resembled abstract art.
Said a prayer.
Crossed my heart.
Forgave.
Forgot.
For her.
I let it go.
Watched it sink.
Soak.
Eternally baptized
In the river that floats old bones.
"Central"
By: Keithayonna Davis
Cesspools of lost dreams
Could've beens
Forgotten.
No role models to say this is how, if you wanna.
Smudged
Smoked
Stinks of dead bodies
Murky waters
Aborted mistakes.
It spilled over white
Funked the fresh linen
Smothered all the essence of delusion.
Satan could be in plain sight
No one would notice.
Death close behind
Dressed in common clothing
Heavy metal pressed cold against skin.
Wombs
Mere dollar figures.
Pumped up
Laced
Painted over.
That one there,
She's still in middle school.
What do you call an abused child who doesn't realize they've been abused?
A robbed man who's unaware he's been robbed?
A stray dog that never knew the warmth of a home?
I think these things
As the train passes by.
Washed out colors
High Bars.
Baseheads.
Winos.
Centers.
Becoming one as the operator catches full speed.
A project is what they called me-
Us.
Placed strategically into orchestrated chaos.
Names crossed
Categorized like lab rats.
When we drop,
When we drug,
When we breed,
When we give in.
Yet
When the tractors roll in,
When the wrecking ball swings,
When the dynamite ticks,
When the blueprints are laid out to deconstruct streets we never owned,
We weep .
Like children who haven't realized they've been abused.
Like robbed men unaware they've been robbed.
Stray dogs who never knew the warmth of a home.
Cesspools of lost dreams.
Could've beens.
Forgotten..
"B and G"
By:Keithayonna
Who claims it?
The souls of colored folk?
Curved backsides inherited by descendants of distant tribes?
Lips protruding from the face
Taking it's space under nostrils wide and deep enough to confirm the claim of stranger things?
You?
Who are you?
When the drum beats a rhythm that moves feet,
Rocks spirits.
Calls in energy from distant planes of existence
Demanding them to dance
I can assure you,
It is not your homeland they travel from.
When edges are pulled tight
Smoothed,
Swooped,
Gelled down Upon the scalps of coarse haired women,
I promise you
It is not your face they see in the mirror.
Bamboos swung for years.
Chains bounced
Bangles dangled.
Not once did they chime in telling me they belonged to you.
When nigga left the mouths of masters,
Slaves,
Ex slaves
Ancestors,
Your favorite rapper,
I can guarantee,
They weren't talking to you.
AA
Black
Negro
Foundational
Native.
Pick one
If you can.
Did they call you nigger?
I doubt it.
Crispy?
Burnt?
Coon?
Monkey?
Jigaboo?
No.
But,
I can bet every dime It's slipped your lips more than once.
Ignorant.
Influenced.
Blind.
Deaf.
Dumb.
Thief.
Desperate to be heard
Because no one listens to the shadow of a creator.
Who claims it?
Surely, my Nigga,
It ain't you.
Welcome 